Healing Hearts Page 2
At nine o’clock she heard a knock at her door. Frowning, confused by the interruption, she pushed away from the desk. As she answered the door, she was met by the glow of Hannah’s smile.
“Good morning. I noticed you didn’t come down for breakfast, so I brought you some fruit, juice, and some banana bread.” She carried the tray into the room, setting it on the small table that held the coffeemaker and the teapot. “I hope you slept well.”
Christian could feel Hannah assessing her state of disarray as her eyes quickly traveled down Christian’s body and across the room. She felt a little embarrassed by her appearance. She was wearing an old pair of faded blue sweats and a thin white tank top that showed her too-thin frame, and she hadn’t even bothered to comb her hair.
“I had a very pleasant night,” Christian lied. “Thank you. You’re very thoughtful.” Christian saw Hannah’s continued assessment and fought to quiet her unease. But as she looked into Hannah’s eyes she saw only caring. There was no pity, and Christian suddenly felt grateful for the tenderness.
“I hope you’ll consider joining the group for lunch. Alex is firing up the grill and her burgers are the best. I hope you’ll try them. She only cooks for us once a month, and it’s always a real treat.”
“Alex?” Christian said with surprise, remembering the woman in the greenhouse and the name printed on the back of her shirt.
“Yes. She’s an artist who lives nearby. She teaches a pottery class sometimes and helps out around the grounds. She’s an amazing cook too.”
Christian’s curiosity was piqued. This had to be the same woman she had seen in the greenhouse. “In that case, how can I resist? I’ll see you at lunch. And thank you for the breakfast. I guess I let time get away from me.”
“It happens.” Hannah shrugged. “Call if you need anything,” she said as she exited the room.
“I will, thank you again, Hannah.”
*
Christian stepped onto the patio at noon. Several women sat at a table next to the pool, drinking brightly colored drinks and laughing. She searched the group, trying to find the most comfortable place to blend in but not be noticed, so she could take some time to watch the other women and settle into her surroundings. Most people who knew her as a take-no-prisoners attorney couldn’t believe how shy she could be in social situations. It had always been difficult for her to meet new people. And today was no exception. Her instinct was to fade into the woodwork. She chided herself again, knowing she needed to step outside her comfort zone and try, but she just wasn’t ready yet.
“You came.” Hannah beamed as she seemed to step out of nowhere to appear next to Christian, startling her and yet making her feel instantly more at ease. “Let me take you to a table. Alex is just putting another round on the grill. You’re just in time.”
Christian looked over Hannah’s shoulder toward an elevated deck where savory smoke billowed from a large grill. She recognized the tall lean figure leaning over the dancing flames as the woman she had seen in the greenhouse. Instantly it seemed as if every hair on her body was standing on end, and her pulse beat a steady cadence against her throat. The sensation was unexpected, and Christian tried to push the feeling aside, quickly looking away.
Hannah took Christian’s hand and led her to a quiet table that provided a view of the grounds leading to the lake. “Can I get you something to drink?”
“An ice water please, and a glass of Chardonnay would be wonderful, thank you.” She didn’t usually drink in the middle of the day, but she wanted something to help her calm the cluster of emotions raging inside her. She hadn’t been interested in any woman since Cara’s death. Her body might be ready, but her mind and heart were not, and she felt ridiculous swooning over a woman she had never even met.
“Would you like something to eat?” Hannah asked.
Christian could hear the anxious tone in Hannah’s voice and wondered why this young woman was being so caring of her. She found herself uncharacteristically wanting to please Hannah—at the very least, she didn’t want to present any further reason for the worry she saw in the girl’s eyes. “I’ll have the chef’s special,” she answered, smiling. “I can’t resist such a glowing recommendation. I am sure it will be wonderful.”
Hannah almost skipped away.
The funny thing was, Hannah was right. Lunch was fantastic. The smell of charred meat made Christian’s mouth water, awakening her hunger. She hadn’t had an appetite in months and found herself devouring the burger and fresh vegetables Hannah had returned with. This was what she needed. Christian savored each bite of her burger and the crisp flavors of lemon and asparagus. With the last hint still lingering on her tongue, she leaned her head back to take in the kiss of the sun, feeling stronger already. She took her wineglass in her hand and stretched out to lose herself in the warmth of the sun.
“Hello, do you mind if I join you?” a voice said, making Christian jerk, her reverie interrupted.
The woman standing before her smiled. “I’m sorry to startle you. You just looked so alone over here, I felt compelled to thrust my company upon you.”
Christian chuckled. “Please, join me then.”
“Thank you,” the woman said as she plopped down in the chair next to Christian with a dramatic sigh. “Elaine Barber,” she said, extending her hand.
“Christian Sutter,” Christian replied, clasping Elaine’s hand and saluting her with her glass.
They sat facing the water for a while, taking in the warm spring sun. Breaking the silence, Elaine spoke. “I never tire of this view. Is this your first time at Willow Springs? I haven’t seen you here before.”
“It’s only my first day, actually,” Christian replied, sheepishly trying to avoid making eye contact. She found herself wanting to bolt up and run back to the solitude of her room. She might have come to Willow Springs with the intention of starting a new life, but she was finding that, after months of solitude, it was difficult for her to engage in the simplest social exchange. “Splendid,” Elaine said. “You’re in for a treat. This makes my third stay here, and I grow fonder of the place each time I visit. The grounds are beautiful, of course, and the staff…well, let’s just say there are women here after my own heart. For instance, Julie at the stables is a god with the horses. When I ride or go through some of her exercises, I feel like a queen. There’s just something about the girl that makes me all warm in the middle, if you know what I mean.” Elaine smiled at this revelation and flashed Christian a wink.
Christian found herself suddenly curious and noted perhaps she would have to visit the stables. Not wanting to give away her interest, she decided to divert the conversation. Her thoughts had instantly drifted to Alex. In the short time she had been at Willow Springs, she had already experienced more warm, fuzzy feelings than she was comfortable with. She was here to get herself together, not to fill her head with fantasies about women.
“The lake looks beautiful, I think I might like going out on the water,” she said, contemplating the sun glistening on the water as a family of ducks made their way across the lower lawn. The grounds leading to the lake were well manicured with a texture that made Christian want to feel the cool, soft blades of grass against her bare feet. From the patio, the ground followed a gentle slope leading to the water’s edge, giving the illusion that one could simply step out onto the water as if stepping onto glass.
Nodding her agreement, Elaine added, “They have all sorts of access to the lake—kayaks, boats, fishing, swimming. I’m sure you will find what you like. There are also these lovely picnic areas and benches along the shore that offer a more intimate view if you just want to sit as we are now.” She smiled, nodding her head and waving her hand over them, punctuating her meaning.
Christian was amused by the gesture and felt herself warming to the kindness.
“Look at the time,” Elaine announced, promptly rising from her chair. “I must go. I have a massage in twenty minutes, and I like to freshen up before seeing Abiga
il. She is simply delicious,” she said gently, biting her lower lip, a gesture Christian found oddly out of place with the commanding confidence Elaine had shown.
“How about joining me for lunch tomorrow around noon?” Elaine asked as she stood before Christian, forcing her to look at her.
Christian stared blankly at Elaine, the question catching her off guard. For a brief moment, she felt the familiar panic grip her chest. Gathering herself, she managed a reply before she could think of an excuse. “That sounds lovely, thank you.”
“Splendid,” Elaine replied. “I will see you tomorrow, then.” And she turned and seemed to glide across the patio, her flowing red hair billowing around her shoulders.
It wasn’t until Elaine was leaving that Christian truly took her in. Although she had noted general information about Elaine, she had been too preoccupied with her social awkwardness and intrusive thoughts about Alex to truly take the time to make a clear assessment of Elaine. She was about forty years old, with auburn hair that fell just past her shoulders. She wore black linen slacks and sandals and a loose-fitting cream shirt. Her build was average, but the way she moved spoke of grace and confidence.
Christian thought over the interaction and was pleased by the exchange and felt comforted. No one knew her here. She didn’t have to worry about uncomfortable questions about her accident or her health or about Cara. This was why she had come. She could relax and have a casual lunch with someone without the feelings of guilt and betrayal that she felt when she was around her old friends. Christian sighed in relief and sat back in her chair, feeling she was off to a good start.
Chapter Two
Unable to sleep, Christian wandered the path that circled the lake. The sun was rising, and she welcomed the hint of warmth as she wrapped herself tighter in her jacket. The air was chilled—she hadn’t planned for the coolness of being by the water. Finding a bench in the thicket of trees facing the rising sun, she decided to sit and watch the birth of the new day. Birds were singing in the trees around her, voicing their excitement for the spring and the morning sun. She had always loved springtime. It just seemed filled with hope and new beginnings.
A pang of guilt pierced her chest at the thought of what it would take to start a new life. “I miss you so much,” she whispered into the air. “Can you forgive me for staying behind when you could not?” Tears filled her eyes as the memories threatened to take her breath. She felt the light dim as consciousness began to slip away. She had not been able to think of Cara since the accident without losing herself. For months she had shut out the world, the guilt and hurt filling her to the point that she felt she no longer belonged in the world.
Just as she was about to succumb to the darkness, someone stepped out of the clearing, and she could hear singing, the sound and the sudden interruption pulling her back from the brink. A tall woman with broad shoulders and short dark hair stood at the edge of the water. She wore running tights, tennis shoes, and a light formfitting jacket, all in black. The only contrast was the pale glow of her skin. Christian stared in disbelief. It was Alex.
Christian watched as Alex stretched and stood looking out over the water, watching the final moments of the sunrise. Her song seemed so natural out here. As pure as the song of the birds. Alex completed her song, bowed to the sun, and turned and began to run along the path. Christian watched until she was out of sight, the sound of her voice still singing in Christian’s mind.
All her earlier thoughts of the past had been swept away the moment Alex stepped into the clearing. Everything about Alex captivated Christian, leaving her breathless with yearning. She didn’t understand why she was so drawn to Alex, but each time she saw her, she wanted to be close to her. She wasn’t sure what these feelings meant and they scared her. But they felt good too.
*
Elaine was already at the table on the patio when Christian arrived. She looked splendid in a silk Asian-style pantsuit. Anyone else would have seemed overdressed, but the look was perfect for Elaine. Catching sight of Christian, she waved her over. Once at the table, Christian noticed with concern the hint of bluish circles under Elaine’s eyes.
Elaine picked up her sunglasses and put them on, the dark lenses covering the pain in her eyes. “I am so glad you came. I’ve had the most dreadful morning and I need the company.”
“Are you all right?” Christian asked, taking a chair.
Elaine hesitated a moment. “It’s nothing. Just difficulty sleeping. It makes me cranky.”
This was something Christian understood. She hadn’t slept well in months and was certain her face and skin showed her fatigue as much as Elaine’s did.
As if Elaine had read her mind, she looked Christian over, and when she spoke, her voice softened. “How was your evening? If I had to wager, I’d say you have your own night haunts to contend with.”
Not wanting to explain, Christian simply didn’t answer, choosing instead to fix her gaze on the water.
“I see,” Elaine said. “Well, if we aren’t going to bare our souls, we might as well gossip.”
Christian shot a questioning glance at Elaine.
Elaine cleared her throat and continued. “I do believe our young Hannah has found a new friend. I saw her leave last evening with a very attractive young woman. They seemed quite taken with one another.”
Thankful for the change of subject, Christian smiled. “Seriously, Elaine, surely we aren’t reduced to peeping, are we?” she said playfully.
“Peeping? I was simply sitting in the lounge having a drink while reading. Can I help it if the girl is irresistible? I’m surprised it’s taken this long for a woman to sweep her off her feet.”
Christian thought of the sweet young woman and the tenderness she had shown her since she had arrived, and she found herself somewhat uneasy when she thought of young Hannah with another woman. She didn’t want her to experience the pain of loss that often came with love. Silently scolding herself, Christian felt uncertain why she suddenly felt protective of Hannah. She remembered herself at Hannah’s age, and the beginnings of a smile played at the corners of her mouth. She could remember young love. She envied that innocence. And, despite the pain she had experienced, she would not want to give up a single moment of the love she had shared. Hannah deserved to experience love and all the wonders that came with it too.
Trying not to give herself away, Christian turned her attention to Elaine. “Is there anyone you don’t find attractive?” she asked, chiding. She liked the playful banter and didn’t want to return to more painful topics.
Elaine scoffed. “Who said anything about attraction? I’m simply taking notice of the beauty of the female form. Perhaps it wouldn’t hurt if you did a little looking around yourself.”
Speechless, Christian turned away. She felt a flush rise as she suddenly thought of seeing Alex that morning by the lake. She could almost hear the sound of her voice singing through her memory. The song had been playful, and the melody had continued playing in her mind. Alex had been a vision standing there, facing the rising sun as if it had arrived just to see her. She had embraced the day, and it had seemed to embrace her in return. Christian had wanted to touch her. She wanted…
“Christian…Christian?”
Christian heard Elaine’s voice questioning, her concern almost frantic as she placed a cool hand on Christian’s arm. Taking in a sharp breath of air as if she had been holding it, Christian tried to hide the shaking in her hands. “I’m fine Elaine, really. I must have gotten lost in my thoughts.”
“You looked as if you were about to faint.” Elaine’s voice was tremulous, and Christian couldn’t help but feel touched by her concern.
“I’m fine,” Christian said, trying to sound convincing as she took Elaine’s hand, giving it a little squeeze. “I’m just a bit tired, that’s all.” She hoped Elaine couldn’t feel the slight tremble that still shook her.
Elaine didn’t question her further and seemed to respect her secrets. Christian changed the subject
. Gossip really was the safest. She pointed out a group of women sitting together that she had seen the day before. “They’re having a very good time,” she said, inclining her head toward the group.
“Ah.” Elaine chuckled. “You’ve noticed the Haverty sisters.” Elaine smiled and sketched a wave toward the group of women.
“The who?” Christian asked, wanting Elaine to tell her more.
Elaine smiled. “They call themselves the Haverty sisters, although there is no relation. They’ve been friends since college. I think they find strength in their numbers. They’ve been coming here since Cynthia, the silver-haired one, had breast cancer about five years ago. Since then, they’ve weathered many storms together.”
Elaine’s voice had become soft and reverent. Turning to the left, she pointed to a couple huddled together on a blanket on the lawn. “See those two there? That’s Anna and Kate. They come here every year to celebrate their anniversary. Sweet couple,” she added thoughtfully.
“Sounds like you know everyone’s story,” Christian said, glancing conspiratorially at Elaine.
Raising an eyebrow and peering over her sunglasses, Elaine studied Christian. “Like I said, I’ve been coming here for a while. I guess I’ve made my share of friends. Like us, for example, two women enjoying each other’s company, talking about casual sorts of things, and before you know it, an affinity begins to grow and, just like that, we become friends.”
Christian shifted uncomfortably in her chair as she felt Elaine’s gaze on her. She suddenly felt vulnerable and guarded her emotions, not wanting Elaine to know her secrets.
As if sensing Christian’s discomfort, Elaine changed the subject once again. “Have you had a chance to do any exploring of your own?”
Grateful for the shift, but still feeling guarded, Christian thought for a moment before answering. “Nothing more than a walk by the lake,” she said with a faint smile as the thought of Alex again presented itself. “I find I tire easily, still. It’s been a long time since I’ve been out anywhere.” She felt suddenly shocked to have revealed so much of herself with this simple statement.